Love Languages Quality Time Problems
The term love languages was first introduced by author Gary Chapman in 1992 with his book entitled The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.
Love languages are basically a way of how someone expresses their love feelings. There are five love languages, namely words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts.
One of them is quality time, where a person chooses to spend quality time as a form of expressing his love for that person. Maybe you think that love languages quality time is really important for everyone. But the reality is not so, each has their interests and needs in terms of expressing their feelings.
Before discussing what love languages quality time problems are, we first know the characteristics of someone who has love languages quality time.
What Is Quality Time?
Quality time is a way of expressing affection for your partner by spending time with them. Spending time is meant here not just sitting alone in the same room. Instead, spend time that is undisturbed by the outside world and focused on your partner.
The characteristics if you have love languages quality time can be seen from the following things:
1. You feel that the presence of a partner is more important than words of love sent via WA or other gifts.
2. You feel lonely if you don't have time with your partner
3. Canceled dates or meetings upset you
4. You can get angry or feel like your relationship has changed when your partner doesn't have time to meet
5. You really make a clear schedule between work time and time for your partner
6. Disturbances that occur while with your partner can make you angry
It's a bit complicated for people who don't have love languages quality time if they have a quality time character partner. Because you are not only asked to be with him but you are also asked to give the impression that you are enjoying time with him.
But don't worry that Quality Time can be achieved if you and your partner agree to spend time together without distractions or outside distractions, such as cellphones, television, etc.
The question is how to reach such a mutual agreement? We'll talk about it later! Now we learn about love languages quality time problems.
Love Languages Quality Time Problems
1. Only one party has love languages quality time
This is actually not a problem when the partner is able to meet the needs of him who prefers quality time. But problems will arise when couples who do not have love languages quality time feel bored and bored.
At first it was possible to sit alone without outside interference. And it will only last 30 minutes at most. After the conversation only focuses on the partner, usually one of them will start to feel restless by trying to play his cellphone. Well, this is where couples with love languages quality time start to feel that their partners don't pay attention to them. And there was a fight.
There are also couples who prefer to be silent when they are upset with their partner. So he didn't express it directly, for example, he didn't like his partner playing on his cellphone when he was with him. But often what happens he immediately silences without explanation. His silence like this can trigger a fight for days if you're not sensitive.
2. It's hard to find quality time together
With today's busy schedule, it's hard to find quality time. We are more busy with work, social media, games, etc. It's hard to focus on the person next to us.
If this is the case then you must take firm steps when to have quality time when to others. For example, limiting holding cellphones and laptops a day to a maximum of 10 hours. Others we can focus on those around us, such as our spouse and children.
No matter how busy our activities are, there will never be free time if we don't provide it ourselves.
3. It's hard to find a partner
It is said that the owner of this love languages quality time will find it difficult to find a partner because in a relationship he is very demanding of time from his partner and if not then he is easily disappointed.
This can also be a trauma for him to be able to open new relationships with others. Therefore, it is difficult for him to find a partner again because he is afraid that past events will repeat themselves.
How to Overcome Love Languages Quality Time Problems
1. Discuss with your partner about your love languages
Communicating from the start what your love languages are is very good. Of course, you should first understand what your love languages are.
Because that way in a relationship for a long time you don't need to pretend in front of your partner. Pretending to be happy in front of a partner is exhausting you know!
Honesty is key in every relationship. It's better for your partner to know it from the start to avoid fights that could occur.
This is more profitable than your partner only finding out after you and he quarreled and said they started to feel unsuitable.
2. Understand your partner's love languages
Not only you need to express what your love language is but also your partner. And not only need to know but also understand how the character is.
Suppose you have love languages quality time and your partner has words of affirmation. You can combine the two so that in a relationship your needs and his can be met. And more importantly, neither party feels neglected. Because love is take and give.
You can't be selfish, only care about your love languages but don't care about your partner's love languages. Such a relationship will not last long.
3. Love needs compromise
I myself do not believe that love is blind, even though love itself fulfills 70% of the heart's decisions compared to logic. But to maintain our love we also need to compromise.
Good communication will make love last longer because it produces more tolerance.
4. Active listening
Listening when your partner tells a story is a form of quality time too. This activity may seem easy at the beginning, but it turns out to be quite difficult.
Because often you as a listener are more busy thinking about how you will respond. Whereas people who are telling stories often only need to be understood and empathetic, without demanding changes to the situation they are experiencing.
How to apply this active listening?
- Focus on the story you hear
- Reaffirm the essence of the story of your partner
- Imagine if you were in the same situation
- If your partner doesn't ask for advice then you just have to listen
So, those are some of the common love languages quality time problems. If you don't really understand what your love language is, you should find out first, you can take an online love language test or read Gary Chapman's book. In addition, you can also understand better what love languages your partner has. You don't have to give in but sharing love languages will certainly make the relationship more harmonious.