Saving A Marriage With A Narcissist
If you are already married to someone who has a narcissistic personality, separating or leaving him is not the right way. Even though you have to go through difficult days, believe me there is a way out of every problem that exists.
Before we discuss further about how can you saving a marriage with a narcissist, we should first understand what a narcissist is.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) ?
People who are narcissistic are not the same as people who have narcissistic personality disorder. This also applies when we understand the difference between people who experience sadness and people who are depressed. Got it?
Well, narcissist are people who lack empathy, need more attention, and tend to be sensitive to criticism. W. Keith Campbell, professor of psychology at the University of Georgia said, narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder are two different things.
Therefore, we need to understand first whether our partner is just a narcissist as we can say everyday or a person who has a narcissistic personality that causes extreme actions.
In saving a marriage with a narcissist, we cannot force the relationship to work like other couples. Where there is commitment, good communication, and lowering the ego. A person with a narcissistic personality doesn't have it all.
How to Saving a Marriage With A Narcissist ?
Did you know your partner was a narcissist before you got married? If you already know then what you see is what you buy, don't expect much you can change it after marriage. Because basically personality changes come from themselves, not other people and even partners.
However, if you find out that your partner is a narcissist after marriage, you may want to rethink whether to stay or separate. It's kind of like you are asking for compensation for what you have experienced, in this case the inconvenience in the household.
There are several ways that you can try to do for saving a marriage with a narcissist.
1. Understanding his personality more deeply
As a partner we are the one who is near him everyday. We know from the moment he wakes up until he goes back to sleep. So try to learn and understand what a narcissistic personality is like.
This doesn't mean you ignore yourself but rather you learn to understand to protect yourself. If something happens or the response hurts you so you know how to react.
It might be easier to leave it but I'm sure it's not the best option right now for you. Because deep down in your heart you want to keep it.
2. Stop focusing on him
I'm sure if you do it your partner will act more and more. Because the narcissistic personality is sensitive to abandonment and criticism.
But you also need to maintain your mental health you can slowly take control to not only focus on him.
After a relationship with a narcissistic partner, of course he is very selfish, so take time for yourself and focus on yourself.
3. Don't be afraid to remind
It's good for your narcissistic partner to know that he has that kind of personality and explain it too so he understands that his personality can sometimes hurt people around him.
The key in this step is that he understands who he is first. If he already knows then we can once in a while remind him not to be narcissistic when there are signs that we know.
4. Sometimes follow his ego
Basically, someone who experiences this narcissistic personality feels less cared for, low self-esteem, and needs more affection.
There's nothing wrong with praising him once in a while by saying, "you're good at this" or other compliments that can make him realize that he’s worthy.
Do it sincerely and without expecting anything from him.
5. Reset your expectations
Don't like to expect more attention from him because you won't get it. This will help you deal with the disappointment that may come from your lack of empathy.
This is because your narcissistic partner can't empathize with you, so don't expect that from him.
Saving a Marriage with a Narcissist or Break Up ?
The decision to stay or separate is entirely up to you. Your narcissistic partner may also have two possible traits that he or she may have, namely sticking with or separating from you.
According to the stories I read how when someone is dating a narcissist, most of them admit that their narcissistic partner likes to change partners. Well, this can happen because people with narcissistic personalities find it difficult to empathize with other people so it's easier for them to find new partners. But also can't last long.
Your decision should also be seen from all sides, both from yourself and your partner. You can't just see yourself wanting to keep the marriage.
People with a severe narcissistic personality can commit dangerous acts such as domestic violence. Therefore, you need to re-check how far your relationship can be maintained.
In addition, the narcissistic personality that has become a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can't empathize with their children either. Instead of thinking of him as a child that he must take care of well into adulthood, he can even think of his child growing up well because he is a trophy to himself. People who are born with narcissists are quite disturbed in their development, because there is no value in them that they feel. Worst of all, he will feel all his life have to serve and serve others.
So you need to rethink how severe narcissistic personality disorder is if you choose for saving a marriage with a narcissist. See also the support system that you have besides him as your narcissistic partner. Because you can not rely on it, so you need to ask for help from other people or your family.
Communicate well what you are not comfortable with. Don't let it have a negative impact on your mental health.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder characterized by high self-esteem coupled with a strong need to be admired and respected. Individuals who have narcissistic personality disorder generally feel as though they are superior to others, with little or no regard for how other people feel.
However, behind the overconfidence, people with NPD actually have feelings of vulnerability and are vulnerable to criticism.
My advice is don't maintain a relationship that you feel is always a sad person. you better let it go. you are stronger than what you think. Saving a marriage with a narcissist is your choice. But your mental health is your responsible of yourself too, you can’t save the two of things at the same time.