Step Father Step Son Relationship Problems
The problems that boys face with their stepfathers often occur when boys are teenagers. Yes, moreover stepfather entered his life when he was a teenager. It will provide a special memory for the boys.
Not all step father step son relationship problems end badly. It is precisely in this phase how the relationship between the two of them will become strong or weak. It all depends on how they solve it.
Let’s first know what are the step father step son relationship problems that are commonly encountered.
Types of Step Father Step Son Relationship Problems
1. Difference of Opinion
This difference of opinion also often occurs in the child's relationship with his biological father. However, the status of a stepfather usually has become a separate trigger for boys not to feel close. Finally, various problems arise regarding this difference of opinion.
In reality, there are children who are quiet or whose fathers are quiet, so that may solve the problem or only make the problem worse. If the problem is just buried and there is no good communication from one of them then the relationship becomes bad. Sorry I have to say that even though you are an introvert but you need to communicate what makes you uncomfortable.
2. Shared Love
There are also son who is happy to finally have a father, even though it is a stepfather. Maybe his biological father left him, divorced his mother or his biological father had died. There are also boys who openly accept the arrival of their stepfather.
But in reality his stepfather came because he loved his mother, not his step-sons. So what happens is that boys don't feel the love their mothers feel when the mothers get a new husband.
We can't expect other people to always be kind to us, nor do we love them. We can't force it. So for those of you who are about to become a stepfather or have already become a stepfather, then re-evaluate your love, is it fair?
It's important for boys to feel love, especially if they are teenagers. The time when he really needed a support system from his family, and now that family is you.
This shared love can also be because the stepfather already has other children from a previous marriage. Even if you try to be fair, it will still happen. So it's better to introspect again.
3. The debate
If earlier we talked about differences of opinion between step father step son relationship problems, now we are talking about the debate. Because it doesn't always lead to a debate. One of them may give in or choose to remain silent so that there is no debate.
The problem of this debate is the same effect for a relationship. It can have both positive and negative impacts. It all depends on how you solve it.
As a stepfather you can't stay silent and choose to give in if you see your son doing something wrong. You should explain and communicate well with your boys. Even though they are not your biological children, reprimanding is also a form of love.
So don't be afraid to argue if it really can clarify the problem and solve the problem well.
I'm sure your son will also accept it well if he gets an explanation. For example, when he was a teenager he preferred to be outside the house. You can't just ban it because your boys will just think you don't like it. But show that you reprimand him because there are several reasons why he has to learn to divide his time for activities inside and outside the home.
In addition, you as a stepfather must also support by creating a comfortable and pleasant home atmosphere. So that your son feels at home to be at home.
4. Trying to change the position of biological parents
Avoid this. Because you don't have to compete with his biological parents. Just accept your new status as his stepfather.
The way to communicate well with your son is to support his relationship with his biological parents. In fact, this makes your son feel closer to you, he doesn't hesitate to tell stories.
5. Don’t give your partner time to be with the children
Often what happens is that stepfathers feel jealous when they see their stepchildren with your partner. Because it was triggered by the couple's relationship with the former alias the biological father of the son. You don't have to feel that way though.
Because it could be that their memory of their biological father is not good, if it is good, why did they choose to separate and you are the one who was chosen to be their stepfather.
Instead, you should be able to heal them, namely your partner and your stepson. Create a fun new family tradition. And without having to separate your son from his mother who is your partner. Give them time to be together, after all you came later.
And for the good of the relationship, then stop feeling jealous. Create a comfortable atmosphere, this will be very good for yourself as a stepfather and family.
6. Take sides when there is a conflict
The next problem is when the stepfather and step son fight but the mother takes the side of one of them. This can be considered a form of betrayal and make things worse.
It's good as a mother you are in their midst and be neutral. Even though you may know who's at fault but don't corner them.
Better communicate with both, give them a chance to talk. And your job is to provide support and offer reconciliation and troubleshooting if it needed.
Those are some of the things that usually become the root of the step father step son relationship problems. Actually not all problems end badly. In fact, the existence of a problem will further strengthen the relationship between step father and step son.
But it all also depends on how to solve it. I believe on the basis of love then everything will be fine. So base your every relationship with love.
Long before you love someone else, you need to love yourself too. Because your relationship with others is a reflection of your relationship with yourself.
Be kind to yourself, and spread love. Even though you are not a biological father or biological child, in the end you are still part of the family. So leave a good memory in children so they can grow better.
Anyway, a boy will grow up well and brave if he has a good relationship with his father too. It doesn't matter if it's real father or stepfather. What is clear is that boys need a father figure in their lives.