Self Love as an Effort for Self Empowerment
Often people who feel like a failure because they don't know how to love themselves, whether it's financial failure or relationships.
Why should you love yourself first?
During this time, many still like to think about other people's opinions so that only a few of their inner voices are listened to. Many are more justify people's opinions about him than prove that he is not what other people say.
In the end, we feel that failure always haunts us because of dissatisfaction with ourselves. No matter what kind of business doesn't work, you want to apply for any job and anywhere you are always rejected. And end up feeling useless. The impact can be more severe, which is always like to hurt yourself and in the end there is a desire to commit suicide.
Therefore, loving yourself is the key when we are in the process and trying to achieve something. By loving ourselves means that we understand, are aware, and can accept our situation.
Here are 3 forms of self love that you can practice directly to improve yourself.
1. Self Compassion
Self-compassion is the ability to love yourself even in unpleasant conditions. For example, when we get laid off, we shouldn't blame ourselves, feel useless, and so on. People who have self-compassion (compassionate for themselves) then he will not drag on failure and sadness.
To have self-compassion can be learned in 3 ways, namely:
a. Self kindness
Know what your strengths are so that you can get up again when you fail. Strength in yourself is not only great things. Maybe all this time we didn't realize that there are other good things that we have, such as helpful nature, humble nature, like to give in, and so on. Often these traits rarely get our attention because they focus too much on technical strengths and talents.
By recognizing what traits are in us, how we feel, how we have empathy for others, then we will realize that all of these are good things and goodness will find a way.
b. Common Humanity
If we are still difficult to find what we can be proud of ourselves, try to find it with common humanity. Common humanity can be obtained from when we tell other people, of course, who you believe in, or read other people's stories. When we find the same nature, what we feel, and the same situation as our current situation, the desire to love ourselves more will arise.
Mindfulness is one of the most popular meditation techniques. Psychologists have revealed that mindfulness meditation can positively change the human brain and biology and improve physical and mental health. Because mindfulness meditation has two main parts, namely attention and acceptance.
We can know this mindfulness meditation by being aware of what we are doing, for example when we are reading we fully understand what we are reading, or on the contrary we are still reading it automatically.
2. Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is protecting yourself from an adverse environment by setting boundaries for people who are felt to have colonized our personal lives.
Indeed, for people who don't like it, this is quite difficult to do. Because you think too much about other people's feelings, you actually ignore your own feelings.
For example, when we are in an environment of friends who like to smoke even though we don't like smoking, we should refuse their invitation. In this case, we don't need to feel bad or afraid to say it's not fun, not loyal to friends, etc.
Making this limit can be intended for families?
Many still doubt what if in fact the people who tend to be toxic to us come from the family environment, such as siblings, parents, extended family. Precisely by making these limits we know which circles we can still tolerate.
Before making boundaries, it would be nice if we grouped people in the first circle (family/couple), second circle (friends), etc. If toxic people come from the second, third, etc. circles, then don't be afraid to set boundaries. However, if toxic people are the first circle, it would be better if we can do assertive communication first. Assertive communication is the way we express our opinions without ignoring the feelings of others.
3. Free Yourself From Expectation
Too much expectation of others is not good for our mental health. Because when we feel disappointed then it will greatly affect the mental. We become disinterested in doing something, we become self-blame, feel lonely, etc.
So it's better to improve your own abilities than relying on others to help you. This also applies when we feel that we are always there for our friend, but how come he doesn't do the same to us. Try when we do good, whether it's for other people or our friends, then do it wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return. If it is not him who can repay our kindness, the universe will be kind to us. We don't need to feel that we have to be rewarded with kindness either because there is only disappointment that we get.
So we can be successful people and succeed in everything we are trying to do is how we love ourselves. Because with that we are more confident in our abilities.