How To Be Selfish and Successful in Life?
Selfish stigma is indeed negative, even from childhood we are accustomed to getting advice from teachers and parents not to be selfish children. But sometimes that selflessness, if not in the right place, can actually become a boomerang for us to be humiliated, bullied, and criticized. So, how to be selfish and successful in life?
It seems we are wrong to practice selfishness itself. Not everything we do for ourselves deserves to be called selfish. Because the reality is that in some ways selfishness needs to be done.
Is Being Selfish Necessary or Not? How To be Selfish and Successful
If I was a child, I would have answered that there was no need to be selfish. But now in our 30s, if someone asks me about it, I will answer that selfishness is necessary, but with a note that we must look at the intentions in our hearts, situations and conditions.
I used to be afraid to be selfish because I didn't want to be hated by many people. Finally all my actions lead to how I can please everyone (people pleaser). But now that I've been through many things in life, being a people pleaser is very tiring. I haven't had to prepare myself to get hurt yet. Because not everyone can like you. There are people who don't like it, no matter how hard I try.
The experience of being neglected, abandoned, and let down makes me feel depressed. This is quite disturbing my mental health so that I lost my way. Luckily God led me back to start learning to find my true self. Through what? Of course back to the Koran.
In the Qur'an it is also stated that Allah does not like people who are excessive. Have I been exaggerating all this time? Regardless of the heart's intention to make them happy, but apparently too much and I no longer depend on Him, but on other things, such as if I need more money to help my family then I will run to the bank to apply for a loan. Anyway, there was no God in every decision of my life at that time.
So if you are currently asked to be selfish, is it necessary or not? Being selfish is necessary when you still need help. Just like you are building your own house, you can't pass out bricks to other people. When will your home be? Share enough, don't overdo it.
How To Be Selfish and Successful ?
1. Understand your own condition
The first is that we understand where we are today, regarding the needs of ourselves and our immediate family. Sharing is indeed a good thing, but do we have the heart to share at the expense of our little family?
Maybe in this case there will still be those who think that no matter what the circumstances we must be able to help our brothers who are in trouble. As my late father said. Even though I was in debt I had to try to help them.
It's quite heartbreaking when you have to look for a loan to be able to help you. In my heart I hesitated and wondered, if this is a good thing but why do I feel uncomfortable.
The answer turned out to be peace of mind. Yes, my heart is not ready to try so hard that I have to find myself struggling to find a loan and use a credit card. My heart was not sincere at that time. Because of my condition, I was not capable enough to help them, but I did not seek help from God, but a bank loan.
2. Being kind to yourself doesn't mean being selfish
Be kind to yourself is not selfish. Lots of these wise words are scattered on social media. As if to remove doubts and guilt, this sentence is able to cure what is our choice of action, namely being selfish.
There's some truth to that too. But back again to see the intentions in our hearts and our condition. When we actually have more sustenance and see our brother is in a difficult situation, but we use the sentence above to be our shield in being selfish. Obviously that's not a good thing.
What is meant by being good to ourselves is not selfish when we think about what is good for us, not too much of course. Don't let selfishness take away our kindness and be reluctant to share. Precisely by sharing naturally we are being kind to ourselves, because we give ourselves the opportunity to feel enough and also share with others according to our abilities.
Aren't thanks and smiles from the people you help motivate us to live a better life?
3. Done with yourself first
The most important thing before helping others is that we finish with ourselves first. Do not let us after helping us still bring up our goodness, still hoping for a return that is actually only God's best reply.
My mistake is that I don't know myself and my soul. So that after helping other people, it seems like they don't get the lesson, they become deprived and often complain, especially complaining because of the hope of reciprocation from what I give.
This makes it very uneasy and makes it difficult to think positively. So let's solve ourselves first by fixing intentions, positive thinking and positive motivation.
4. Put your trust only in Allah
It is better after we do good immediately put our trust in Allah SWT. Leave everything to Him alone. After all, we are actually given the ability to help is also a will and permission from Him. So what can we boast about?
5. Share Enough
Back to the statement at the beginning that share as much and as much as possible. Islam is not a difficult religion, even for alms there is a minimum rule of 2.5% of our income after deducting debt and living expenses. All that so that we do not overdo it and still feel enough.
How to be Selfish and Successful Today
In discussing this selfishness, it is closely related to giving, both financially and non-financially (time and energy). Even in giving we are required to be sincere. So how does sincerity exist when we choose to be selfish?
Being selfish will not make yourself successful. But overdoing it and acting like a boss even for the sake of getting praise and being liked by many people does not also make yourself successful.
Then what should be done so that your own needs can be fulfilled, not selfish, and successful?
So be smart in knowing yourself, managing finances (separate primary, secondary, and tertiary needs), have a positive mindset, and always be enthusiastic (don't complain).
The key is to always nourish yourself with useful knowledge for our lives. So you can choose how to be selfish and successful with wise actions.